Dancing With the Stars Speech

(Utah State Convention Speech: March 6, 2010)

There was a time in my life that I thought . . . this is it, this is what happiness feels like.

I had just returned from a summer studying law in London, and was on the verge of finishing graduate school. I was right on track for my dream career. Everything was going exactly the way I had planned. Then one night I made a terrible mistake that derailed my plans: I went dancing.

It was a double date, and turned out to be my first date with my husband Brent. . . sort of. He was on the date, and I was on the date, and we danced the night away. But, technically he was not exactly MY date.

Brent had won many dance contests, and had taught country dancing since high school. I think his date felt a little overwhelmed, and I know mine didn’t even want to try to compete. So, Brent asked if I would give it a try.

It was my second time country dancing, and he had his work cut out for him. I’m not a natural dancer. Even after 15 years of dancing with him, I still need him to whisper slow-slow-quick-quick-slow-slow when we two step.

I worried a little about stepping on his toes, but I was still WILLING TO TRY. I might not have had the natural aptitude that some other people are blessed with, but I could use skills that I did posses to make things turn out JUST RIGHT for us. I also discovered that in order to make some of the lifts work, you have to look up, trust your partner, and jump.

I’m not any more of a natural at mothering than I am a natural at dancing. At our wedding reception, my sister asked my mother, “Do you think Shauna will ever have children?” My mother hesitated, then replied, “Oh, I think she will have one… just to say she did it.”

It wasn’t that I had anything against motherhood, I just couldn’t see how a child would fit into all my other plans: education, a prestigious career, travel, adventure . . . not to mention buying a closet-full of fabulous shoes. Luckily, something changed within me, and I listened when God whispered to me that His plan was for me to become a mother. I soon found that knowing that I was supposed to have a child didn’t answer all of the other questions that motherhood inevitably brings. God didn’t tell me how it was all going to work; He only asked if I was willing to try.

Five children later, motherhood has been a never-ending series of “willing to try moments,” –some great and some not. When my daughter played Annie in a community play, I volunteered to make her costume. After hours of cutting, sewing, and several extra trips to the fabric store I was finished. (NOT with the dress, though.) I stormed to the computer, Googled “Little Orphan Annie costumes’ and ended my misery. Thank goodness for EBay!

That first night dancing, it became clear to me that I didn’t have the natural talent, grace or rhythm of many of the dancers, and that I didn’t do things the same way they did. But I quickly recognized that I did have some skills from my years in gymnastics and cheerleading that while a little unconventional, could work out just right.

Similarly, I don’t have the same talents that seem to come so naturally to other mothers. Growing up, I watched my 4’10” 95 pound mother knead a ball of bread dough in a huge stainless steel bowl. She kneaded with her arms in the dough past her elbows and used her entire body weight to fold in the dough.

Can you believe I used to be embarrassed of my brown bag lunches with sandwiches made from homemade bread? In contrast, I have used my automatic bread making machine—a wedding gift—three times in the past 15 years. Twice successfully.

Fortunately, God did bless me with other talents that I can use to be the “just right” mother for my children. NOT all of them are talents you would find on a Mother Aptitude Test, but they have worked for me.

In second grade, most of my grades were good, but next to “Uses Time Wisely” my teacher had marked an unprecedented S (for Superior) TRIPLE PLUS! I’m still proud of that report card! I may not be the best cook in the work, but I have a talent for making sure that I have time to read to each child before they pour themselves a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast each morning. My children might never know how home-made bread tastes as a bedtime snack, but I make time so they will know how it feels to kneel with their mother before they go to sleep.

In law school, I discovered and developed a knack for negotiation. At that time, I never imagined that I would use that talent to coax my four-year old son down from the neighbor’s roof, explain to two toddlers that putting on shoes before going out to build a snowman is actually important, or convince my children that having a generous refund policy is essential after you sell garter snakes to all the neighborhood children.

God handpicks the children he sends to mothers. He knows perfectly the joys and challenges that will help us grow. And he has given each of us a unique set of skills that make us the “JUST RIGHT” mother of our unique children.

Capturing this sentiment perfectly, Desmond Tutu said, “You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”

My favorite wedding picture is of Brent and I doing a back arch. He is holding me high above his head, balancing me with one hand. I am arching backward, wedding dress flowing down, looking straight up to the sky. We did that lift for the first time our first night dancing, and it has become a fun thing to do at random times in our lives. (on cruise ships, in front of significant landmarks, even once (but only once) when I was seven months pregnant.) The key to getting the lift to work is that I have to look up, trust my partner, and jump.

After my third child was born, I left a rewarding career to be a stay at home mother. Even though I knew it was right, I struggled to find joy in motherhood. Despite my healthy children, supportive husband, and other wonderful blessings, I told God that I hated my life, and I wanted to go back to work—THIS wasn’t working. I didn’t end up going back, but I did learn to find joy in motherhood.

I drove to a lookout area on the foothills of a mountain near my home in Springville. I poured out my heart to God and waited for his answer. I waited a long time, and nothing came. Then as I was driving down the mountain, I had the distinct thought, "What WILL make you happy?" It was so clear, it was almost as if a voice spoke to me. I pulled over and began writing. . . and pondering. What would make me happy?

I made quite a long list of things through the next few days. As I pondered the list, four categories became apparent. (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional and Spiritual). I began doing something in each of those categories each day for myself, with my children, and in my marriage. They were simple things at first, but I began to feel hope that daily consistent effort in these areas would lead me toward the things I desired for my family.

Over the years these topics have grown to become S.P.I.C.E.S.S. (Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative, Emotional, Skills and Social.) I try to help my husband, my children and myself set goals in these areas. It began with a small things each day, and has grown to something that is leading my family towards my hopes for our eternal happiness.

In mothering, God is my partner, and when I really need Him to lift me, all I have to do is look up, trust Him, and jump.

The joy I have found in mothering almost always starts with a willingness to try. Even though I may be different from other mothers, I know that God has given me unique talents to be the “JUST RIGHT” mother for my children. And when my joy in motherhood needs a lift, I am so grateful that all I have to do is look up, trust and jump.